Dear Soon-To-Be-Former Tenant,
By now you've seen the eviction notice the Constable posted to your door. Any number of things could be going through your mind right now, I won't even try to guess what they are. I only know what would be going through my mind if I were you. I've been in your situation before, without the money to pay the rent when it was due. But I never let it get to an eviction. I either paid it when I could, or when I simply couldn't, I took my landlord's deal and moved out, leaving the place clean. I'd be lying if I said I haven't judged you several times in the privacy of my mind and cursed you out, but I'm really trying to be spiritual and philosophical about this. After all, this is business, not personal.
You tried to make it personal, though. You called me up in the middle of last month, telling me you'd mailed your rent check (late) but you were going to “hold” it, because of all the things that were wrong with the apartment. Funny, you never called maintenance about these things. There were issues in your apartment before, when your rent was late, and I had our handyman address them once I found out what they were. If new issues came up, you never called them in. That is, until you found you didn't have the money to honor the rent check. Then all of the sudden the place was just falling apart!
I got my handyman on those issues immediately. I called our exterminator in for the pest problem you reported. We paid a professional to come in for the recurring sewer back-up that happens whenever your rent is late. Heavy paper, tampons, an AC adapter was pulled out of that pipe. How on earth did you get an AC adapter to flush down the toilet? I must say, I'm impressed. Nine years as a landlord, I thought I'd seen EVERYTHING.
When you didn't answer your cell I called your husband's. He told me the rent check was already in the mail. When it came I cashed it. But it bounced. Did you know that's a class 2 misdemeanor in Pennsylvania? Simply not paying your rent would be a civil matter. Bouncing a check is actually criminal.
When I texted you the check had bounced and that you'd have to make it good plus the returned check fee, you replied “no problem.” And by the way the ceiling fell in. And the sewer is backing up again. Really?
I dispatched maintenance again to handle the “issues” that only seem to occur when there's a problem paying your rent.
Days passed and you did not make restitution for the bad check. I was going to evict you last week, but that was going into Memorial Day weekend. My daughter's 7th birthday party. Family coming in from out of state. I wasn't going to have you burning up my phone because you made the plumbing explode flushing frogs down the toilet! I wasn't going to have my husband leave the party to clean up a basement full of excrement on a holiday weekend. So I hope you enjoyed your extra days. I know I did, putting you right out of my mind.
Tuesday morning I gathered up all the paperwork I needed to go down to the Magistrate's office and file. I was sick to my stomach as I did. Do you think landlords like evicting people? I thought of your 10-year-old son, a beautiful, polite boy. He'll be uprooted, yet again. Something tells me this isn't the first time you've done this, and it probably won't be your last. I was that 10-year-old kid, constantly uprooted, moving from rental to rental. He's going to grow up too fast. He's going to lose his childhood and take on the role of caretaker far too soon. If he is strong, he will survive, but he will develop unhealthy coping mechanisms that will hold him back later in life. He will grow hard and angry. He will find it difficult to trust anyone. And he will believe it's the landlord's fault his life sucks. It's his teacher's fault. His boss' fault. The economy's fault. The President's fault. The world's fault. I pray one day he'll be able to bust past that mindset. I did, so I know it is possible. But I have to work at it every damn day.
I wrote out a check for $151.35 for you and another one for the guy in the front apartment who is at least not dragging me into his drama. That $302.70 expense gets heaped on top of my lost rental income from both of you, for May and for June. Plus the extra maintenance expenses you caused me by flushing AC adapters down the toilet and otherwise “working” on your unit. I suppose you're going to try to use that at your court hearing in hopes of getting out of your obligation to pay your rent. It won't do you any good, though. I could be the worst slumlord on the planet, and there is still no defense for non-payment of rent in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. I'll still win my judgement. And I'll serve you your 10 day demand letter for the bounced check in front of the judge, since I know you're not going to sign for my certified letter.
So much negative energy! Bad mojo! I don't LIKE filing evictions. I never did. I know I'm supposed to take my emotions out of this, stop making it personal, but it's so damn hard. The Magistrate's office was crowded on Tuesday. I'm not the only landlord wrestling with the mojo this month.
I hope you'll move out before the hearing. I sent you a text offering to cancel the eviction if you did, so you wouldn't have it on your record, but I got no reply. I have to wait 11 days after I win my judgement, then I get to spend another $120 or so on the Constable, who will then post your door with a date that he will come and escort you out, allowing me to change the locks. I've had a few tenants wait until the bitter end in the nine years I've been doing this. Please don't let your kid be home when this happens.
When you're finally gone I'm going to pay my friend, who is a practicing Wiccan Priestess, $20 to come through the apartment with white sage and incantations to get the bad mojo out.
And I will update my Policies and Procedures manual, which my husband and I are writing for the time when we can afford to hire an employee to replace ourselves in our little rental management company. Rent is due on the first of the month. If it is not received by the 5th, it is late. On the 6th, courtesy phone calls go out to all late payers. The purpose of this call is to 1)- find out if the rent has been mailed or is ready for pick-up, or 2)- get solid payment arrangements with amounts and dates. If the tenant can't be reached a message is left. If there is no reply withing 24 hours a note is posted on the door to call. If there is no reply 24 hours after that, we go ahead and file eviction.
If they tell me the rent has been mailed, they get the same 48 hours. If it doesn't show up in the mail by then, it wasn't mailed. I will of course give them the option to cancel the check or money order and write me a new one to pick up.
If payment arrangements are made, and the date passes without the agreed payment, we file eviction.
It's not personal, just business. All in a days' work. If I do it this way, instead of on a case-by-case basis, perhaps it won't churn my stomach as much when I'm down at the Magistrate filing the papers.
But it probably will.
By now you've seen the eviction notice the Constable posted to your door. Any number of things could be going through your mind right now, I won't even try to guess what they are. I only know what would be going through my mind if I were you. I've been in your situation before, without the money to pay the rent when it was due. But I never let it get to an eviction. I either paid it when I could, or when I simply couldn't, I took my landlord's deal and moved out, leaving the place clean. I'd be lying if I said I haven't judged you several times in the privacy of my mind and cursed you out, but I'm really trying to be spiritual and philosophical about this. After all, this is business, not personal.
You tried to make it personal, though. You called me up in the middle of last month, telling me you'd mailed your rent check (late) but you were going to “hold” it, because of all the things that were wrong with the apartment. Funny, you never called maintenance about these things. There were issues in your apartment before, when your rent was late, and I had our handyman address them once I found out what they were. If new issues came up, you never called them in. That is, until you found you didn't have the money to honor the rent check. Then all of the sudden the place was just falling apart!
I got my handyman on those issues immediately. I called our exterminator in for the pest problem you reported. We paid a professional to come in for the recurring sewer back-up that happens whenever your rent is late. Heavy paper, tampons, an AC adapter was pulled out of that pipe. How on earth did you get an AC adapter to flush down the toilet? I must say, I'm impressed. Nine years as a landlord, I thought I'd seen EVERYTHING.
When you didn't answer your cell I called your husband's. He told me the rent check was already in the mail. When it came I cashed it. But it bounced. Did you know that's a class 2 misdemeanor in Pennsylvania? Simply not paying your rent would be a civil matter. Bouncing a check is actually criminal.
When I texted you the check had bounced and that you'd have to make it good plus the returned check fee, you replied “no problem.” And by the way the ceiling fell in. And the sewer is backing up again. Really?
I dispatched maintenance again to handle the “issues” that only seem to occur when there's a problem paying your rent.
Days passed and you did not make restitution for the bad check. I was going to evict you last week, but that was going into Memorial Day weekend. My daughter's 7th birthday party. Family coming in from out of state. I wasn't going to have you burning up my phone because you made the plumbing explode flushing frogs down the toilet! I wasn't going to have my husband leave the party to clean up a basement full of excrement on a holiday weekend. So I hope you enjoyed your extra days. I know I did, putting you right out of my mind.
Tuesday morning I gathered up all the paperwork I needed to go down to the Magistrate's office and file. I was sick to my stomach as I did. Do you think landlords like evicting people? I thought of your 10-year-old son, a beautiful, polite boy. He'll be uprooted, yet again. Something tells me this isn't the first time you've done this, and it probably won't be your last. I was that 10-year-old kid, constantly uprooted, moving from rental to rental. He's going to grow up too fast. He's going to lose his childhood and take on the role of caretaker far too soon. If he is strong, he will survive, but he will develop unhealthy coping mechanisms that will hold him back later in life. He will grow hard and angry. He will find it difficult to trust anyone. And he will believe it's the landlord's fault his life sucks. It's his teacher's fault. His boss' fault. The economy's fault. The President's fault. The world's fault. I pray one day he'll be able to bust past that mindset. I did, so I know it is possible. But I have to work at it every damn day.
I wrote out a check for $151.35 for you and another one for the guy in the front apartment who is at least not dragging me into his drama. That $302.70 expense gets heaped on top of my lost rental income from both of you, for May and for June. Plus the extra maintenance expenses you caused me by flushing AC adapters down the toilet and otherwise “working” on your unit. I suppose you're going to try to use that at your court hearing in hopes of getting out of your obligation to pay your rent. It won't do you any good, though. I could be the worst slumlord on the planet, and there is still no defense for non-payment of rent in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. I'll still win my judgement. And I'll serve you your 10 day demand letter for the bounced check in front of the judge, since I know you're not going to sign for my certified letter.
So much negative energy! Bad mojo! I don't LIKE filing evictions. I never did. I know I'm supposed to take my emotions out of this, stop making it personal, but it's so damn hard. The Magistrate's office was crowded on Tuesday. I'm not the only landlord wrestling with the mojo this month.
I hope you'll move out before the hearing. I sent you a text offering to cancel the eviction if you did, so you wouldn't have it on your record, but I got no reply. I have to wait 11 days after I win my judgement, then I get to spend another $120 or so on the Constable, who will then post your door with a date that he will come and escort you out, allowing me to change the locks. I've had a few tenants wait until the bitter end in the nine years I've been doing this. Please don't let your kid be home when this happens.
When you're finally gone I'm going to pay my friend, who is a practicing Wiccan Priestess, $20 to come through the apartment with white sage and incantations to get the bad mojo out.
And I will update my Policies and Procedures manual, which my husband and I are writing for the time when we can afford to hire an employee to replace ourselves in our little rental management company. Rent is due on the first of the month. If it is not received by the 5th, it is late. On the 6th, courtesy phone calls go out to all late payers. The purpose of this call is to 1)- find out if the rent has been mailed or is ready for pick-up, or 2)- get solid payment arrangements with amounts and dates. If the tenant can't be reached a message is left. If there is no reply withing 24 hours a note is posted on the door to call. If there is no reply 24 hours after that, we go ahead and file eviction.
If they tell me the rent has been mailed, they get the same 48 hours. If it doesn't show up in the mail by then, it wasn't mailed. I will of course give them the option to cancel the check or money order and write me a new one to pick up.
If payment arrangements are made, and the date passes without the agreed payment, we file eviction.
It's not personal, just business. All in a days' work. If I do it this way, instead of on a case-by-case basis, perhaps it won't churn my stomach as much when I'm down at the Magistrate filing the papers.
But it probably will.